Sunday, November 25, 2012

CB's 3 year Questionaire




  1.  What is your Nickname? "I love you"/ Bug and CB
  2. How old are you? "I free, I two"/ 3
  3. What is your favorite animal? "Elephant, I want a tiger"/ Tiger
  4. What is your favorite book? "I wanna read a tiger a tiger book"/ Caps for Sale
  5. What is your favorite TV show? "Over the Edge"/ Diego, Dora, Super Why, Dinosaur Train
  6. What is your favorite movie? "I wanna watch Madagascar"/ Madagascar 3
  7. What is your favorite song? "Jesus Christ"/ Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam, Bushel and a Peck
  8. What is our favorite food? "Rolls, I wanna eat hot gogs"/ Macaroni and Cheese (box kind only) and hotdogs
  9. What is our favorite snack? "Cookie"/ Fruit snacks and Fruities baby food
  10. What is your favorite thing to wear? "I wear a hat"/ Hats
  11. What is your favorite game? "Hoop"/ Basketball and Ipod games
  12. What is your favorite toy? "I wanna play Pooh, I wanna play choo choo trains"/ Pooh
  13. Who is your best friend? "Nicole"/ All his cousins and siblings
  14. What is your favorite thing to do? "I want a bike"/ Play outside with friends
  15. What is your favorite thing to do outside? "I wanna play the park"/ Play at the park
  16. What is your favorite holiday? "A Birthday"/ His birthday
  17. What do you like to take to bed? " A Tigger, my "B" "/ His "B", Pooh and Tigger
  18. Where is your favorite place to go? "I wanna go Nicole's house"/ Friends, cousins, gma's and gpa's houses.
  19. What is your favorite restaurant? "I eat Donalds"/ McDonald's PlayPlace
  20. Where do you want to go on vacation? "I wanna visit Daddy's office"
  21. What do you want to be when you grow up? "A basketball player, my shoot it"
  22. What do you want for Christmas? "A present, a hoop"/ A big basketball hoop, a bike

Sunday (not so) Funday

What to say? What to say?

I am still on the verge of a mental break down and in the last week of my final class before student teaching. I finally received my placement and start January 3rd. I am so excited to see an end in sight. I honestly tear up when I think of how difficult this journey has been and am so close to being done. It is a constant burden that is subconsciously always on mind and weighs on my shoulders. I am truly looking forward to graduation and finally after 3.5 years have the chance to just get to only be a stay at home mom for a while! Not a student and employee and a mom, but just a mom! In my mind, I feel I will be a much better mom and wife when I am done with school, I am sure it is wishful thinking, but where would I be without a dream?

So James has been working like crazy lately! One night he was in until 5 in the morning, other nights he goes in at midnight and I don't see him until the next evening. He is the hardest worker I know and as much as I despise it sometimes I really feel blessed to have such a dedicated husband who can pay our bills and allow me to be home with my kids. I suppose that out weighs the pure exhaustion that wears on both of us toward the end of each month! :) I think he is looking forward to finishing school as well so is free time is really at home with us and not in front of the computer screen!


Here are some picks of our first real snow fall! (Enough to go play in anyway)!








I can tell the kids feel the extra stress around here lately and could use some outside of the house family time! Today was unbelievably frustrating! We get the kids up and ready for church (already running late) and of coarse as soon as we are about to leave, Lenore has to have a dirty diaper... Change that get the kids in the car with half a diaper bag packed and off to church 15 minutes late. Luckily there were 2 baby blessings today so we didn't even miss the Sacrament. We are in the nursery (I honestly think God is punishing me for all my complaining and weakness). I am not sure that putting me in nursery will teach me the patience I need to learn, so I am hoping that doesn't mean I will never get released. :) James actually is better liked by the kids than me. The little girls run up to him and give him big hugs and want to sit on his lap and I get the screamers for the most part. We come home less spiritually uplifted than when we left the house that morning, and continue nursery with our kids. I get dinner on, diapers changed and fight each kid down for a nap. They all have to be in a separate room to sleep so my entire upstairs is occupied. I then hear 45 minutes later pounding on the wall and go upstairs to find Carlyle had a dirty diaper (even though he knows how to use the potty) and hasn't slept at all. We let him come downstairs because my brother had stopped by for a few minutes on his way back to CO and we knew he would want to see him. Consequence, so nap at all! James and I both had short cat naps on the couch to give each of us a little second wind to end the evening. I get dinner on, fight kids to sit and eat it, clean up, scrub down Lenore's pen covered face (she apparently got confused as to where the paper was) and fight tantrum after tantrum to just get upstairs and in bed. I am one to bath my kids EVERY night! Especially after nursery and playing with other kids. BUT tonight it just wasn't going to happen. We needed to get these kids in bed as soon as possible for everyone's sake (and safety!) I leave this paragraph off with one question... Why does Sunday seem to be one of the longest/hardest days of the week? Shouldn't it be the best? (I guess that is two questions) I may have some work to do... or take a much needed vacation to someplace warm, with palm trees.






Monday, November 12, 2012

Burnt

The other night my incredibly gifted and overly energized sister-in-law, joking called me an over achiever. My response to her was she was the over achiever NOT me! After reflecting on her comment I realized I was correct in my response. I am not an over achiever just because I have a lot going on, I am a whiner and have not mastered the skill of staying sane and remaining busy (unlike my sister-in-law, who I feel has this talent). I have been completely occupied with projects and homework and goals the last few weeks, I am starting to get burnt out and on the verge of a large melt down! (I know it will be large because I have had the mini ones already) ... I feel completely unjustified for feeling as though I am taking on too much because I see women who I am sure have more to do than me and they never seem to complain or be stressed. I do have 3 kids (whom I love), am in school full time, have taken on another child full time, am planning and preparing a family menu for an entire week with James's family for Thanksgiving (although, I am enjoying this task) have started working out and trying to eat healthy (which is time consuming and mind consuming) and I feel like a failure by the end of most days with the things on this list as well as household duties I haven't gotten completed.

I try to do things I enjoy, like blogging and continuing to teach myself to sew. Which, by the way, I just finished my first baby blanket all on my own! (I know this is simple to any seamstress, but exciting for me because I have only been sewing for a few months.) Even though these moments are few, I can feel guilty and selfish for taking that time to decompress... Like right now, I have 2 assignments due and I would rather be here writing to help sort my thoughts and let me relax, which means I will be up late and tired in the morning and my kids my suffer a little for that.

I wish I could just turn off my brain and turn off the lights and close my eyes and have it be completely silent for a while. I can now see why people meditate. I may need to take that up!- Wait that is one more thing I would have to add to my list, never mind.

Well I had better finish up those assignments (oh I just remembered I need to go shred the pork for the thanksgiving "reunion" too) and then get to bed. I think I am just extra burnt out today because of little sleep and a long day. Jillian Micheal's and I have a workout date in the morning that I look forward to so I will have a productive and well balanced day tomorrow! I only have 3 weeks left of school and I am completed with class forever! It will be a glorious day! If I can hang in there until December 3rd (my last day of class) I think a large weight I have been carrying around for about 7 years, which got heavier after I had kids,  will be lifted off my shoulders and I will be given a little more breathing room, along with wiggle room to do my decompressing activities and not feel overwhelmed with all the small things I have going on. Then just maybe I can enjoy an evening of relaxing without the thought of having something else I should be doing constantly on the brain. Who knows maybe my anxiety will be minimal as well! One can hope right?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

"I'm a Freak" Badge

So I haven't had a computer because it cashed a few weeks ago, and I only get access to one some nights and the weekends. This makes it very difficult to keep up on my blog. Also because my computer crashed I don't have pictures right now, but its a good thing for facebook because I can upload them there for everyone to see. Shoot- I just remembered I had free shutterfly prints I needed to use by October 31! I hate when that happens. I just wish I would never remember at all! Oh well... life goes on. Anyway, one day I will post pictures and liven up this blog... but in the mean time I will continue to write about the stories of my days and you will just have to check out my FB page if you want to see in pics, the joys of my life.

I have to just start out by saying that being a mom of 3 kids under 3- and now I am watching another little girl, just about to turn 2- is a lot of work! It is so hard to get out of the house or keep anything cleaned while I am home. As soon as one room is cleaned the children have managed to completely destroy another room, if I clean that room, the room I just cleaned previously is now hit by the hurricane of children! And you can forget about organizing anything with the kids around. When I organize I have to pull everything out of what I am organizing, and the kids want to "help" by going through everything I have pulled out and finding another use for it, than what it is meant to be used for. For example, if I am to organize a closet ... my living room is scattered with everything that needs to go in the closet. So... I try to do that kind of stuff at night or during nap time when the kids are asleep. BUT, that means I don't get to watch TV and sit in meaningless thought to decompress. I need that from time to time... Then there is leaving the house. I get everyone dressed, Lenore's hair pulled up, and myself descent enough to be scene in public- make-up on half the time, depending on how entertained I can get my kids on a show that morning-  diaper bag packed: wipes, diapers, clean underwear and pants, water, formula, bottle, binkies, snacks, and wallet. Diapers changed. Carlyle goes potty. Hudson barfs on himself, new clothes on. Lenore poops right before walking out the door, change her again. Hustle everyone in the car- buckle everyone in car seats- it takes about 5-7 minutes. I then come back inside the house- completely exhausted at this point and generally running late to wherever I need to be- and pick up toys and do a quick clean. Many times I leave the house a mess if I a going to an appointment or something. Anyway, it is at least a 60 minute process depending on where I need to go. If I could pick the one thing I miss about not having kids is the ability to come and go as I please. I have realized about myself that I am NOT really a home body. I like leaving my house and going and doing, but it is so much work to do it with 3-4 kids. I don't get out as much as I would like.

I can really only run 1 errand where the kids have to get out of the car because of the work it takes to get them out and put them back in. I generally don't like going places without a cart because I need a place to contain them all. I made the horrifying mistake a few weeks ago to go to Old Navy by myself with all four kids. Now,I wear the "I'm a freak!" badge with honor, but even this was a whole new level of "what the heck is that mom doing?" I thought Old Navy had regular carts, I could put Hudson in the front and the 3 others in the back and grab the one pair of pants I needed for Carlyle. Well... they don't have regular carts, they have stupid little carts that have a small basket on top and a small basket on bottom. I was able to squeeze  the baby carrier on top (which you aren't supposed to do), and -this is where I look extra special people!- I stuff Lenore in the bottom cart! (which you also aren't supposed to do) Yep! It is sometimes nice to have such a small little child. She didn't like it much, and I don't think the Old Navy staff did either, but what choice did I have? I can not herd the cattle of 3 kids, I was surely pushing it with the 2 walking. I was able to make it to the back of the store just fine, until Kara takes off running and Carlyle follows. They are getting too far for me to run and catch them with my already endangered children in the cart, so I have to raise my voice to get them to hear me and come back. Luckily for me, they are good kids and listen after only calling their names 4 times- sense the sarcasm. Well the chasing and grabbing things doesn't completely stop. I am causing a scene and I already hate unwanted attention, so I quickly grab what I need and head to the check out. By this time Lenore has had enough and is screaming and trying to climb out of the cart. Kara and Carlyle keep disappearing as I am trying to pay, and the check out lady has the nerve to ask me if I have 2 minutes to fill out a credit card application. Are you serious? Can you not see I wouldn't have 2 minutes to spare? I am kinda in the middle of something, you know? Herding my children...

Well we did all make it back in the car safe and sound and I am in for a much needed nap at this point and have decided I will NEVER go back to Old Navy with children... EVER! In fact many times, now that I have Kara, I drop Carlyle off at James's office and go do errands and come back and get him. He loves it and it's one less set of eyes and hands I need to have.

I took the kids down to Layton the other day to go for a little drive and get a change of scenery, we just went to the mall to play on the toys. I took my sister with me and she commented on how exhausted the kids made her. I can only laugh at her comment because I can relate, except it is every day of my life! Don't mistake this post as a complaint, because that is not at all what it is! I love being a stay at home mom and putting every ounce of energy I have into my children. It is just the reality of my situation, even though I enjoy my kids, it is sure tiring! Everything now takes 3Xs as long as it used to and with more emotional and physical strength and energy than I have ever had experience with. Although rewarding, the work involved is tough and draining and sometimes by the end of the week I just need a little break.

Thankfully for me I have the most wonderfully helpful husband! I don't give that man as much credit and appreciation as he deserves. I honestly don't know what I would do without him! He relieves me at the times I need it most and will take all 3 kids in his care- which a lot of men couldn't or wouldn't do. I am so grateful for him! He let's me get rest on the weekends if he can be home, and going out with the kids is actually fun! Even though any set of hands is helpful, his are the incomparable to any other! He always carries the car seat and gets the kids in and out of the car, he is always holding them or keeping them in line. I enjoy that we work together with the kids when we are out and I don't have to direct help or feel guilty for needing it...and I can ask him to do anything and he does it without complaint. He keeps my sanity and is such a good dad! Our children adore him and it makes me the most happy when we get those times together as a family getting to do something fun, because of all the hard work he puts in at his job. I wish I had that mans strength and I try to have his attitude to make the best of everything. He lets me unload my hard day  and calms my irrational stresses. Anyway, I love James and I love my kids, and even though it is tough some days to do the simple things, I have an amazing life and I wouldn't change anything about it or anyone in it!