Burnt

The other night my incredibly gifted and overly energized sister-in-law, joking called me an over achiever. My response to her was she was the over achiever NOT me! After reflecting on her comment I realized I was correct in my response. I am not an over achiever just because I have a lot going on, I am a whiner and have not mastered the skill of staying sane and remaining busy (unlike my sister-in-law, who I feel has this talent). I have been completely occupied with projects and homework and goals the last few weeks, I am starting to get burnt out and on the verge of a large melt down! (I know it will be large because I have had the mini ones already) ... I feel completely unjustified for feeling as though I am taking on too much because I see women who I am sure have more to do than me and they never seem to complain or be stressed. I do have 3 kids (whom I love), am in school full time, have taken on another child full time, am planning and preparing a family menu for an entire week with James's family for Thanksgiving (although, I am enjoying this task) have started working out and trying to eat healthy (which is time consuming and mind consuming) and I feel like a failure by the end of most days with the things on this list as well as household duties I haven't gotten completed.

I try to do things I enjoy, like blogging and continuing to teach myself to sew. Which, by the way, I just finished my first baby blanket all on my own! (I know this is simple to any seamstress, but exciting for me because I have only been sewing for a few months.) Even though these moments are few, I can feel guilty and selfish for taking that time to decompress... Like right now, I have 2 assignments due and I would rather be here writing to help sort my thoughts and let me relax, which means I will be up late and tired in the morning and my kids my suffer a little for that.

I wish I could just turn off my brain and turn off the lights and close my eyes and have it be completely silent for a while. I can now see why people meditate. I may need to take that up!- Wait that is one more thing I would have to add to my list, never mind.

Well I had better finish up those assignments (oh I just remembered I need to go shred the pork for the thanksgiving "reunion" too) and then get to bed. I think I am just extra burnt out today because of little sleep and a long day. Jillian Micheal's and I have a workout date in the morning that I look forward to so I will have a productive and well balanced day tomorrow! I only have 3 weeks left of school and I am completed with class forever! It will be a glorious day! If I can hang in there until December 3rd (my last day of class) I think a large weight I have been carrying around for about 7 years, which got heavier after I had kids,  will be lifted off my shoulders and I will be given a little more breathing room, along with wiggle room to do my decompressing activities and not feel overwhelmed with all the small things I have going on. Then just maybe I can enjoy an evening of relaxing without the thought of having something else I should be doing constantly on the brain. Who knows maybe my anxiety will be minimal as well! One can hope right?