An End in Sight

Hurray! I am back! It has been too long! I sometimes wish I had a video camera following me around so I can say what I am thinking right then and write about it later. I have a lot of awesome thoughts and opinions that run through my mind during the day and I think "oh I have to remember to blog about that!" and do I remember? nope.

So as many of you know, I just finished my LAST class before student teaching! I have to say it was a surreal moment for me. I remember a little over 3 years ago, when I started with the University of Phoenix, I was given a schedule of all my classes and the dates they would start and finish. I was originally supposed to be done with classes in June 2012, but with a baby here and a baby there, I am thrilled that I just finished in the year 2012! Anyway, at the time, August 2009... the year 2012 seemed so far away! This last class and student teaching seemed so distant that there really wasn't an end in sight. It was like this for a long time, my class list seemed so long and there were times, I felt it would never get to the end!

So to actually have finished that entire schedule of listed classes they gave me back in 2009-before ANY children- is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and sometimes when reality sets in that I am almost done completely I can't help but tear up! This has been a long road and I have to say I am proud of myself! I made it here with a lot of things that could have gotten in my way to not finish. There were SO MANY times I wanted to toss in the towel and call it quits, but I didn't, there were nights I was up until 5 in the morning finishing homework, hysterical from frustration and lack of sleep, I didn't think I could function the next day. BUT somehow I did. I would get up in the morning and get 2 kids ready by myself and head to work all day, come home, sometimes clean and cook... other times get take out and ignore the household duties... feed the kids, bath them, put them to bed and start on homework. This was my life, OUR life (James too) for so long, it was just what we did. We didn't always like it, but we both stuck to it and tried not to complain to much. (James was better at the last part than me.) There were times I would have to haul both kids in the car at midnight and take James to work then come home and put the kids back to sleep and then start my daily routine in the morning. ( I recollect doing this more often, but James doesn't remember me having to take him to work that much...) I was literally doing homework, writing papers and taking tests in the hospital the day I had each of my kids. We did what we had to do and we have been made better and stronger people than we were because of it. I don't write about this to impress anyone (trust me if you saw it in action you wouldn't be that impressed!) A smile wasn't always on my face, or make up for that matter, my house was at many times a mess and I couldn't for the life of me keep up on the laundry, decorating, gift giving, and thank you card writing. I was tired.

There were definitely luxuries I missed out on. Many people who are busy with school, take time off work or cancel plans and focus solely on the assignments and test they have at hand. I mean lets face it, school is a lot of work! FOR ANYONE! Whether you have kids or not whether you are working or not, it is tough to get through it and find time for a life and school. People get stressed with a class and cannot do anything else but that until it is done... Well I never had that as an option, if I had an assignment due and James wasn't home from work, I still had to make dinner and put three kids to bed. I still had to find time somewhere in my day for my most important responsibilities. Lucky for me James and I work well together and try hard to lighten the loads as much as we can for each other, but he is in the same boat as I am! (Which by the way he will be done with classes at the beginning of February! I am so proud of him!)

Anyway, we always thought it would be nicer if James didn't have to work night anymore, and for James... it was! But for me it meant working full time. That was a trying year, (last year, first of this year). I was in some of my most demanding classes and working full time and surprised to find out we were expecting Hudson! Our 3rd little miracle! During the winter the kids and I got really sick! They were in and out of the doctor all the time, I was in and out of the hospital and care centers trying to get healthy! We even had to fly my mother in law out to take care of the kids, so I could get back to work! (How grateful we were for her! and all the support our family gave during that time!)

I became so mentally and physically exhausted I had to take something off my plate. School was in full swing and would have been hard to take a break from without having to pay for it, not being a mom or being pregnant obviously wasn't an option, so I had to be done working! I took and early maturity leave and have been at home ever since. It got a little easier when I quite, but soon Hudson was here, and 3 kids definitely threw me for a loop! I became completely out numbered and it has taken me longer to figure out this learning curve to maintaining all of them! (I am still trying to figure it out!) School never went away, until now that is... I have a whole month break! :) And it was challenging to keep up with all the other obligations I had as a family member, church member, and friend, but I don't know where are would be without any of that!

I have learned a lot about myself through all of this, one thing I learned is, I can do hard things, I am still doing hard things, there is an end in sight but this journey is not over, we are going to have a trying 3 months ahead, but I am confident we will get through it and breath a sigh of relief when this part of our life is over and the next chapter of trials begin! Now that I am to this point I can say, I definitely wouldn't trade any of these experiences for anything! They are what make me who I am, and what makes our family who we are, and has gotten us to this amazing point in our lives! We have so much to be grateful for and there are so many people who have gone through so much more adversity than me, who would read this and say "you think that was hard? haha!" And I admire those people! And am grateful I am not having to suffer difficult situations as they are. I have a good life and a blessed family and am eternally grateful for the experiences and path that Heavenly Father has given me. I look forward to finishing my student teaching in March and getting to focus on other important activities life has to offer.